Been listening to a lot of Bob Dylan lately, don’t know that he was ever irrelevant, but he seems extra relevant these days.
How many mini heartbreaks get one over this?
Had either some kinda 24 hour bug or food poisoning. Being sick here sucks. I have no systems, like where I do procure comfort food from?
I thought nothing could be worse than Greg, but I may have been wrong. Greg had already distanced himself so much from a daily expectation. And with Greg, every friend, every family member I had was made closer to me, nearer and more precious. In this, not only are there daily reminders of the change, but I have lost people. More than just him. And whatever up sides I can find to my not so new anymore situation, they can’t compete with some of those losses. At least not right now. And I rather suspect not for a long time.
Leo is slowly but surely becaoming a bed hog. In addition to which we have a new morning routine. When I wake up, I tend to stretch while still in bed and make stretching noises which are generally somewhere between a yawn and a squeal. Cue Leo. He starts making grumbly noises (I suspect his approximation?), comes as close me as he can, flops down and rolls into me for tummy pets, his little face tucked into my neck. He likes being the little spoon. And it’s so precious. But sometimes all I can think is “holy fuck you’re gonna die before me”.
This is what Buddhism is supposed to help with. Recognizing the temporary nature of things, accepting and delighting in them as they are, and then accepting their release, knowing in your marrow that change is beautiful too. This is the path offered toward a release of human suffering. Maybe it’s why Buddhism has to believe in reincarnation. The finality is too harsh. Pieces of the concept do kinda smack of the iciness of Plato, the idea that situation doesn’t impact one’s potential and capability, but I’m more inclined to give Buddhism the benefit of the doubt and suspect some subtlety to the teachings.
I’ve been participating in the useless activity of googling how long it takes to get over a divorce. Particularly after one of my hiking companions said he wasn’t fully over his second divorce that concluded about 5 years ago. I keep wondering if people use their actual divorce date or their separation date. Did I get divorced in August or in December?
I went to my first spin class! Which was not what I expected in that it’s nothing like riding a bike. Riding a bike is more fun, goal oriented, and stimulating. That said, I got some good cardio and the hour went faster than anticipated. Though the one common point would be that you kinda have to build up your butt’s bike seat resilience, mine is woefully out of bike shape. I think I’ll keep up with it and I think I’ll try to dig up my bike shorts when I’m up in Portland.
Instead of a hike to report this week, I have a tattoo to report! It looked so incredible, but now a bit into the healing process it looks kinda gross. Waiting for it to look cool again. Thus far, hurts less than round one. So yay!!! Though it did prevent me from a hike this week and now Liz keeps posting ones I’ve wanted to do for awhile during my trip to Portland.
Speaking of, Portland is fast approaching and I’m filled with mixed feelings. On one hand, I’m really excited to see everyone and the easiness of all of it brings a sense of relief. Mexico is hard. Spanish is hard. Being without familiarity is hard. Not knowing how things get accomplished is hard. The US and English offer ease. And I’m a bit scared of that right now. Not that there’s anything wrong with easiness and feeling a basic level of competence, but I guess I feel like the upheavel in my life has offered a time of great malleability for me and being in Mexico furthers that sense in that I don’t have customs and routines. It’s both easier and harder to try new things here. Heck, some of it’s just mandatory here. But I hold a little fear of the seductiveness of easy that Portland offers. It’s a bit hard to explain, but in a nutshell, I know what to expect in the US and in the circumstances where I don’t or where something is unclear, I can communicate effectively and I can be sure that I’m understanding correctly and I know the logic used by whomever I’m communicating with. Mexicans are somewhat famous for avoiding saying “No”, which means you’re likely to get a “yes” for a “well that’s a long shot” and there may be some nuance to that yes which indicates to in the know folks that it’s actually a maybe, but I don’t know that nuance yet. In the US, I know how to navigate things. Here is always a discovery, and not that it doesn’t get done, but it’s just a whole different of level of intellectual capacity and time consumption.
But for whatever reason, I think this is good for me right now.
In more annoying news, Leo has worms. I have finally gotten him meds (see the above challenges and know that I now understand that this is not a matter of simply going to your vet), but super wish this had all happened a couple weeks ago. And am really less than thrilled that I’m leaving him for over 2 weeks before this is resolved. Fortunately, I have a pretty experienced housesitter and hopefully all will be well quickly. Leo’s attitude and energy level do not suggest that he knows he has worms.
Tacos of the Week: Taqueria El Califa
This is a local, very boastful chain which has a location in my hood. It should not be confused with the Michelin star possessing Taqueria El Califa de Leon. They are not related. Pastor wasn’t ready yet, so I had a sirloin (left) and a costilla. The costilla was perfectly mediocre, but the salsa verde with big chunks of white onion and a ton fresh pepper flavor was lovely. The sirloin was so juicy and tender. A slightly smoky and pica salsa was the perfect counterpart. Extra points cause their agua de jamaica had cinnaomon in it too and, while definitely sweet, was not cloying.
Year One Project 
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