10/26 Week two

Lovers in Mexico hide in public. Under the cover of dark they make out in the large pergolas at the center of a plaza, while all around them a noisy crowd gathers. Friends gossip, multi generational families are on an outing, children shoot helicopters into the air while sucking on ice cream, teenagers work their way through Costco size boxes of Pop Its, dogs object at volume and vendors shout their wares. They lean against trucks in the early morning, blocking the sidewalk, pressing into each other, before the day starts. They cling to each other, smiles on their faces, on a motorcyle built for one bobbling over cobblestone streets. They dance in public squares.

I actually can’t believe I forgot to post this, but look what I found at Mexico Costco! And Kirkland Signature toilet paper. I would never have guessed that one of my biggest creature comforts would be 2 ply toilet paper, but there you have it.

This week we are signing a lease! I am extremely unclear on how much of my general confusion comes from not having signed a lease in about 15 years versus doing so in Mexico. Step one: You may bargain the rent, in fact, you’re kinda expected to. However timing is important, this is to be done prior to the investigation. Or apparently after if you plead American ignorance and apologize profusely.

I haven’t fully decided how vulnerable I want to be here. But I woke up angry crying. I’m so mad at him for this hurt. He is now “open to a conversation if you want to discuss, listen, and unpack a little more together” and all I can think is Isn’t this the conversation that should’ve happened before you decided to divorce me? He used to be so frustrated by my lack of boundaries and I believed that narrative. Looking at it now, I’m gentler to myself. I don’t see a lack of boundaries, but a flexibility with boundaries that seeks to assess a relationship, the needs and scenario within it and to respond as generously as I can while still taking care of myself, and yes, sometimes I miss the mark. But in fact, the person with whom this approach has been the biggest problem is Mike. My flexibility meant I didn’t demand that you share what you were going through with me after you told me you needed to process solo. And I let that happen for years. It’s almost paradoxical. How could I possibly be surprised by what happened, but also how could I possibly have known? This is new and I’m sorting through things, but at this time it feels like my biggest takeaway will absolutely be to simply not accept a lack of willingness to share and be transparent. I’m not interested in spending years deciphering the code of someone else’s emotional content, and it would appear inaccurately, again. But then again, we are all the heroes of our own story.

And lease signed!!! Big thanks to Lea & Susy for their review of the contract! I am learning the woes of international money transfers, mostly in that my tiny Oregon Credit Union representatives are very much not well versed in this practice, but things are panning out. I should have keys on November 1! Feels like such a relief! After a few months of bouncing about I’m very ready to have a space that I actually settle into. Prepare to be extremely impressed by how much food I can cram into a mini fridge.

My one and only friend here, Fran, and I had a celebratory dinner of tacos. Including a delicious quesabirria (fried cheesy meatiness that you dip in broth) and salpicon (lean shredded meaty goodness more commonly found in the Yucatan) and a weird but lovely taco that involved combining rajas con cream (caramelized onions & peppers) with esquites (think off the cob elote).

Fran and I also crashed an art exhibition which featured a wide range of pieces from pastel watercooler landscapes to goth mixed media to something made entirely of fabrics. Interestingly enough it also featured a quasi erotic dancer with some real intense eyeliner and what I can only describe as belly dancing music coming from a boombox set on an intricately carved massive wood sideboard. I don’t even remember the last time I saw a boombox.

I’ve had a cold this week and consequently been less out and about but here a few scenes from around Coyoacan for y’all

Otherwise mostly been working and gearing up for Angela & Colin’s visit from Portland. Which means I will be on vacation and touristing around the city next week. And of course we’ll be celebrating Day of the Dead. Briefly put at midnight on Oct. 31 the gates of the land of the dead open and allow all the innocents, generally children, to see their loved ones. On November 2nd, the adults come to visit. To guide and welcome your family, you might build an altar (ofrenda) lining it with marigolds to light the way, decorative sugar skulls representing the deceased and their cycle of life, and items dear to the deceased. Altars are often just at home affairs, but also are frequently built at a gravesite that a family might go to visit during the holiday. Huge ofrendas are built in large public spaces and in the museums or historical homes of decorated Mexicans, such as Frida Kahlo. Coming from a culture that has a lack of ritual or ceremony around death, and definitely a lack of celebration, I find this national recognition of loss and its blending of a deeply personal and entirely universal experience really powerful.

In Seattle, I wait for the smell of salt water to feel home. In Portland, it’s when I have Thai food. So with that I leave you with the most iconic sound of Mexico City and the one that always make me know I am here.