I had a long chat with Kathryn Foster. And she mentioned mourning what had been and would could have been, while ignore the present. Oooph. That’s my volatility. I fluctuate between mourning what could have been and being elated by what could be. It’s strange that what could have been feels like it was so much more attainable. We could’ve been so great together, if only Mike would’ve let us. Honestly, there’s no more truth to that than the idea that my future will be so great, I am going to do such cool things, it will better than what has come before. What an American concept. Life as a progression of increasing good. I suppose perhaps the familiarity helps flesh out a clearer image. I know what Mike and I being great looks like, down to my core, down to how it feels and how it operates. The gestures he makes, the smile I have, the way we can make each other laugh so hard we cry.
I don’t know the other. Sure, I have vague (and unrealistic) images of myself reviving smallholder farming communities, while protecting their indigenous customs & right to self realization, and helping them to move from subsistence farming to a real livelihood with possibility, sending their children to college, adding on to their home with clean water, internet access, stable electricity and access to quality medical care. The picture of a happy and prosperous farm. What I’m doing in this imagery, I don’t really know. Does that in any way reflect a conceivable reality, probably not. Do I actually have any interest in doing physical farming, minimal at best. I’ve also somehow forgotten the pivotal question of “do you want to be farming?” in this scenario.
Buuuuttt… I’m going on a trip, I’m going a trip real soon!!! Yay trips! This is my travel theme song:
Rough translation:
I was sad, so I bought myself something (aka a plane ticket)
Do I need it?
Doubtful, but it helps
Now I’m not sad, I’m in debt
But that’s not important for this task
How are you gonna pay for it?
Don’t know, I’ll figure it out
Do you regret it all?
Nope, I had fun
Are you going to do it again?
Don’t you doubt it for a second
I have another impulse
I’m gonna spend again
It’s also very catchy.
I have since seen it applied to other purchases, but for me it will always be travel.
Friday I received one of the best professional compliments I have ever received. A few years back, 211info directors, board members, and consultants worked to map out a strategic plan. Little of it has come to fruitition as it was a much more optimistic time. One element though was better succession planning. This has come to even more of a head as our CEO has been quite vocal about his plan to retire in 3 years. Friday, I was informed that if Dan & Ciara (aka CEO and COO) both get hit by buses, I am in charge. Further that this was the culmination of a conversation between those two and HR. Even further, our CEO told me I should consider tossing my hat in the ring for his position when he leaves.
WTF. Crazy what has come of this 3 month temp job during COVID.
It’s funny to reflect on how many little tiny things led to this. If I hadn’t worked for Nordstrom, if I hadn’t been frustrated with Nordstrom, if the cart hadn’t been available, if Mike and I hadn’t gotten married and bought the house we did, if Angela hadn’t started working for CareOregon, if Angela hadn’t bought the house she did, if CareOregon hadn’t consulted with 211. What a wild string of events. And it feels like fate, but it’s not. In fact, it makes me so hyper aware of how much I’ve imbued capitalism sentiment and white cultural views on progress, because even my concept of fate has that bent. Progress is the goal and the natural outcome of work. This is not actual truth.
Saturday was the last day of class.
And I did some errands. One was to pick up the dresses I’d ordered. They have models in the store, take your measurements and then produce a dress for like $70. It’s delightful. The salesperson, Alex, is fabulous and charming and so engaged. He was really quite lovely. Leo and I went to Petco to get him situated, where he was fed an ungodly amount of treats. I got my nails did. All the things.
Sunday – go day. Flight leaves at 7:05pm, so naturally I met Fran & Carrie for breakfast at Comal Oculto at 10am, we waited an hour to get seated, and then had a leisurely breakfast before wandering by the good cheese store. This is a new and exciting find. Queseria Rallado. They have comte, goat gouda, and roquefort. Along with some Mexican specialty cheese, including a double cream that is somewhere between a tangy cream cheese and butter (it was delicious with mango habanero jam).
I got home, frantically organized the house and set off to the airport.
Next week from Italy.
Year One Project 
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